I have a wierd thought today but one that I think most people can relate to... Is it really better to try to forget/ignore the negative things that happen in our lives or should we face them head on and learn to live with them? I suppose I've always been on the side of dealing with struggles and learning from them rather than to pretend they didn't happen.
I have a friend that I will keep anonymous, just in case anyone reads this, that had a terrible accident a few years ago. It was quite life changing and extremely difficult for them and their family. It seems that most if not all of them have chosen to forget it ever happened. They don't like to talk about it, even in a casual conversation. It's like a giant elephant in the room that no one wants to admit is there.
I'm not saying this family is doing anything wrong, it's just not the way I do things. I tend to be willing to talk about any and everything that has happened in my life for the good or the bad, so for me, this is a strange way to handle things. I've asked questions about it to this family and the majority of the time I get short, simple and finite answers. I've asked the person that was in the accident about it and they don't even know a lot of the details because their family didn't talk to her about it and she was unconscious for part of it.
So my question is this... is it better to pretend it didn't happen and go on with life? or is it better to be open and discuss it so it's a part of your life?
My opinion is that talking about difficult things can be therapeutic and hiding from it can be emotionally disturbing... but that's just me.
This is a hard question to answer. There's a lot of "it depends" with the context and the particularization of certain individuals and themes. This could come from an evolutionary development where if something stressful is heading our way, we must either fight or take flight. They both try to get rid of the stress. Generally speaking, I'm with you. I'd rather face a challenge head on, rather than flee from it. Although, there have been moments where I do flee, but mainly that's because of my lack of knowledge on something. However, you suggest that an accident already happened, in which case it's already come to past. Now I personally take the "fight" response, but I can understand why other people would rather take the "flight response as well. A lot of this reminds me of Nietzsche:
ReplyDeleteSuppose some organizers of a marathon convinced all the runners that speed is evil. You could still have a race — sort of — but what a pathetic bore it would be! Runners would shuffle along, keeping an eye on one another, and chiding those who start to get ahead. The “winner” would be the one who failed to go slower than anyone else. At some point, an exasperated bystander might cry, “Enough of this! You are built to run! There is no sin in that! What on earth is holding you back?” That person is Nietzsche.
We all go through struggles, pain, and miseries in our life. Whenever there are setbacks, we just usually give up. Now when we hear advice about what to do with this, we often hear something about how to reduce the pain, or how to even distract yourself from the pain. But Nietzsche thought that these setbacks, these struggles and failures were ways to make you stronger.
It's the same way a mountain-climber tackles a mountain. The pains in life makes you stronger. As Nietzsche says, "What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger."
We shouldn't give up when there's pain, we should accept it. Having strength doesn't mean to get away from your troubles, it means to face them. Can we do this in all situations? I would like to think so. It makes us better people for doing so. Simply not talking about it or fighting through it doesn't build character.
Thanks for the comment! I agree with you... I thought about the fight or flight perspective but wasn't sure how to apply it to the past context. I've had some seriously dreadful things happen to me but I'm more than willing to discuss them because it's made me who I am today and I find it therapeutic.
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